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Asian_Sensation_420
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Name: Justin
Country: United States
State: Kentucky
Metro: Paducah
Birthday: 3/20/1989
Gender: Male
Interests: i'm interested in writing, wrestling, and all the ladies
Expertise: not having an expertise is my expertise
Occupation: owner of Paducah International
Message: message meEmail: email me
Member Since:
5/3/2006
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| Seriously, when it comes to making "adult" decisions and such, I fucking suck at it! Running a business is with out a doubt the most idiotic thing I've ever done in my life. It has been nothing but stress, disappointments, fear, and time taken away from me. I don't know if its that or having a second job and going to school, but it's all taking a drain on me. I need a break.
I'm getting older. This sucks. I'm hanging with an older crowd now, Emilee and her friends. I feel like i've grown up alot. I'm not being a dumbass, or a mean ass, or a smart ass, (well still a smart ass), or a drunk ass, or an ass. I think rationally and thats good. But now i feel like i can't even talk to people my age, i just feel like there dumbasses.
I'm considering a change of location. I found that there are organic farms in places like mexico, hawaii, the pacific isles, germany, etc, that need organic farm workers. They won't pay me anything but they provide free food and shelter. Plus they only require that i work mon-fri 6am-4pm. So i'll have nights and weekends off. Now this isn't a life goal or plans for the rest of my life, its just something i want to try out, see the world from somewhere else, live a different life, meet new people. I think it's something that i need.
For more information on myself please check:
http://ilistpaducah.com/idate/idate20090304.html
it'll be good for you
good night,
justin
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| been a long time gone.... its kinda funny reflecting. i just happened to stumble across that ole' xanga blog, and wow! i just can't believe how much has changed in 7 months. crazy. update on my life failed Calculus at PCC, didn't even begin to try in that class. lost motivation. thats one of the big things for me, i know for a fact that i CAN do whatever it is that i want to do, the problem is making myself want to do it. Workin at Etc. Coffee. its fuckin B.A. meeting new people, reuniting with old ones and all that good stuff. i've pretty much gave up on "love" for awhile. god that sounds weird to say, haha. i've just got tired of getting hurt. i play everything by ear now. i quit jumping to harsh and crazy decisions or assumptions. i dont care anymore. my goal now is just to be happy. i've said it before, i used to worry myself to death worrying about other people, but think its time to worry about me. i'm with a special girl that makes me happy everytime i see her. sure she lives a bit farther than i hoped but the drive through the beautiful countryside, the moments of solitude where i can let my thoughts flow, and the beautiful girl with that beautiful smile makes it worth it. she really reminds me of a younger me to be honest. like the person i was in middle school, her attitude, her habits, her carefreeness on life. I mean i've changed ALOT since those days of Dragon Ball Z drawings and Anime Saturday Nights, but nothing is more comforting sometimes than being brought down to your roots. Lately in the past few weeks i've been feeling "inspired" if you will. The people i've been around with, the comedies and tragedies of everyone's lives. i've seen how the mighty have fallen and how the brave have been frightened. i've seen emotions flare and blood boil, and i've also seen appreciation after disaster. Thanks in due to Tristan, he did for me what no one else has ever done, he took everything out of me, and let me stare at it. For once i've truely seen how i am, how i act, and who William Justin Raye should be. Aside from Tristan, another thing that opened my eyes is a lil exhibit at the Yeiser Art Center, and that is POSTSECRET. Absolutely amazing. If you haven't seen it i HIGHLY recommend it. In case you don't know what it is, let me explain it briefly, people send an unmarked postcard to a certain address with a personal secret about themselves, and the man in charge with all the postcards puts it on the internet, and/or publishes it, or puts it on tour with other postcards. absolutely amazing. it really helps you forget about your problems, and sheds new light on issues. Some are so serious that they hurt at your soul, while others you can't help but laugh out loud. well thats all i feel like for tonight. have a great day love peace and chicken grease justin | | |
| i'm sitting here finding myself in almost the same postion i found myself a year ago. confused, what am i doing? why am i still here? i want out, i want to escape, be free, be on my own, have a moment of solitude, no work, no school, no worries. but i have done nothing to solve this, cus..... i really dont know what to do, where to go, and i'm just afraid of the one's i'll leave behind, chloe, my family, my friends, everything. this is my home, but i want to go, just get out, but i'm too afraid to leave everyone. Thank god for chloe, she makes me feel loved. she really does care about me and its weird, i've had people care about me, but no one has REALLY cared about me like her. but i'm always so damn jealous. idk i guess i just worry too much about it, i think i'm just afraid of her leaving me you know, like i know it'd be hard for me to leave her cus i know it'll hurt us both cus it'd have to be something serious for us to break up, but i dont think i can really handle her leaving me. she'd be the first..... i dont know, i never want it to end, i want to say we've found true love, I'd be MORE than happy to say that, its just how many times have u heard someone my age say "Oh we're soooooo in love" then it just ends, one's cheating on the other or something, and everything they've had was just fake and lies? i dont want to say that, i'm scared what will happen, i really do LOVE her, and i mean that, she's helped me help myself, cared about me, calmed me, held me, support whatever i want to do, she's always been there for me, and i know for a fact that i'll always love her, but................why does this feel so different? i'm confused with my life, what am i doing? i'm going NO WHERE really fucking fast! a year ago i planned i'd be in college and working making a living. i'm doing that now, but i have nothing to show for it, i have no money, no career path in front of me, nothing! now its the time of year where i get to watch those younger than me, make something out of their life, and i'm just a spectator. am i doomed to being like the rest of my family and live a life of working to make the almost, and barely? am i gonna be the guy who lives from 'shut off notice to shut off notice' nothing to show but that sweet new wash i just did on my 94' civic? i want to do more with my life, but there's nothing i can do, i have skills, but can't use most of them in any career, and the skills i can use, i'll never have a chance to use them, it takes money to go to college, something i can barely afford if i go cheap. i want to go to murray and be with chloe. God i'd love that, just to be near her, but i can't. it just costs way too much. the financial aid i got this year barely paid for my schooling at WKCTC. i think i just need an epiphony, something to show me where i 'm going in life, i wish i could be an adolescent forever, but its time to grow up.... i'll try but can never make guarantees | | |
| so alot has happened since july, let me just fill you in with SOME of the details.
my best friend dom went to air force bootcamp in september, he graduated already and is now at I.T. School now in Mississippi. He says its pretty lame. i did get some good news to know that because of his braces or fillings or something, that he can't get shipped overseas, so he's getting stationed in Arkansas and its only like 4 hours from here, so its better than him getting stationed in Germany or something, although it would be awesome cus then i can visit him and john at the same time! lol
I got fired from Papa Murphy's, for being too sexy on the job, lol. They just couldn't handle it. But i got a new better job now. i'm working over at Precision Time in the Mall selling watches, doing minor watch repair work, and selling mall gift certificates. Its REALLY easy, fun, and i work with some kickass people! lol
I started college this fall. I'm taking some cool classes, there pretty easy at times. I have Vanessa in my English class, and then a couple random people i went to high school with in some others. But i've met some awesome people in class too. Kayla is awesome and is uber nice. Pete is the shit. Him and Mitchell keep cracking me up in Public Speaking Class (btw, professor Maley IS THE SHIT!). i got this really bad problem of not going to my classes. i really need to work on that before they fail me for not showing up.
My brother comes home in a few weeks. I'm excited. He came back in August for like two days and it was great to see him. He's changed alot though, for better i guess. i'm not one to judge people for the way they may want to live their life, but it doesn't seem like to same JD i grew up with.
my love life has finally picked up. Aside from the quick flings over the fall and most the summer (amanda, courtney, ashley, lindsey, autumn, natalie, lauren, jessica, andrea, marie, etc...) i've finally gotten a girlfriend that i LIKE and can actually carry a conversation with, and likes what i like, and HAS A FUCKING SENSE OF HUMOR, and can make me happy, and is beautiful, and doesn't take me for granted.......finally
i went to ozzfest over the summer. it was most definately the SHITTIEST THE SHIT MOMENTS of my liife!!! ok don't get me wrong, the music (amazing), the people (loved em), the fun (the funnest), but the fucking heat and the cost of everything SUCKED EVERYTHING UP!!! it was 121 degrees out there, the hottest Ozzfest on record.....GAY!
Me corey and david went to go see PROTEST THE HERO in Memphis motha fuckas! They blew my fucking balls into the dirt and made me eat it. I loved watching the hardcore dancers get clotheslined by the big metal southern rock redneck dudes. GREATEST MOMENTS THERE!!! lol
its weird, i just thought about how over the summer, i constantly hung out with Dom and Ron, and now that there gone, i replaced them with Andy and Chase.....its like i'm always hangin with one black guy and one white guy....
To the bloods and/or crips that stole my IPOD out of my car.......go ROYALLY fuck yourself.
Its funny how an addiction of mine led to me meeting and hangin out with the most random of people..... i'm of course talkin about Guitar Hero 3....... its amazing, and i have met some of the best opponents that have become friends.
I think i'm gonna end this with a shout out to all my union city peeps! Keep on rockin in the free world!
love, peace, and chicken grease
AZN
justin
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| this one is just a quickie
i've been real bored..... i wish people will freakin use this, i remember about this time last year, EVERYONE was using it and just starting to catch on to myspace.....now is just abandoned and never used, i know i'm not one to talk or anything, but still, i update......
me and dom have been chillaxing alot lately. he leaves in a few weeks for the air force, so i'm trying to hang out with him the most i can b4 he leaves
i saw the harry potter midnight show the other night, freakin awesome. but what was WAY better was motha fuckin TRANSFORMERS!!! HOLY SHIT that movie was bad to the ass!!! a must see
i'm uber excited about THE WISH YOU WERE'S!!! They leave next week to tour Australia for 2 weeks. i'm really glad to see a local band from Paducah going on tour in different countries and shit! its really cool.
i feel like i need to be doing more with my summer.....i mean most of the time is work, trying to find a party, partying, and well internet.. i feel like i need to be doing something more productive with my life.......like i should be learning a new craft, helping others, or enjoying time with a special lady or something
speaking of "special lady" girls are driving me FUCKING CRAZY! i swear i really dont understand you at all!!! i mean i try to be myself and be nice, and show u a great time and treat u like how a woman should be treated, and well sometimes i just dont feel the love, its like you take advantage of something good, i mean i try to be the best guy you could ever know, i'm honest, loving, respectful, let you know how much i care, and you just walk all over me.....well to all the girls that have treated me like shit......FUCK YOU!
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